Inside-Outside

Gosh. 

The time warp of being a parent is so totally mysterious. How have we already hit Owen's Inside-Outside Day!?!? Owen was born on February 10th, at 39 weeks, 3 days of time spent in the womb. On Saturday, he hit the same amount of time in our arms. 

I didn't get many pictures of his pregnancy, other than everyday life photos. So it is really special to have these from my friend, Holly Deng, at Deng Good Life Photography. She took our Christmas photos and took a couple maternity shots for me, too. I will cherish them forever.

As I look through and reminisce, I can't help but be astounded by the ability of my body to create such an incredible little life as Owen David. To not only grow a baby, but birth that baby into the world, and then sustain and nourish that baby for the first year (plus) of his life. That's remarkable.

 This was taken not long before he was born!

 Here we are right after we arrived at the hospital and then right after Owen was born.

I promised myself that I would give my body more grace as it adapted and recovered from birth, but I haven't done as great a job of it as I would have liked. I felt so empowered by Owen's birth and I continue to feel that way.

One of my friends stated that our bodies should be forever changed because we are forever changed after having a baby. And she's SO spot on. Ian & Owen have each entered the world and forever changed it, just as they have changed me.

 Being a mama is the most exhausting, rewarding, painful, awe-inspiring, lovely adventure I have ever been a part of. This is one of those events that could get overlooked, but I want to celebrate!!!

 I'm starting to recognize myself again. But Owen's known me as one and the same the entire time. So has Ian. And so has Jim. I'm grateful for this pack of boys I get to call my family.

Happy Inside-Outside Day, to Owen & Me!! <3

Valentine's Day!! -Last Preggo Pics

On my due date, I thought it might be appropriate to post the last belly pictures of this pregnancy. 

I took them the day before the day I went into labor :)

You can see how low my belly was at this point. A nice round ball of sweet, darling baby.

I think this ended up being taken the day before I went into labor.

More to come about our newest blessing who arrived early, 

a wonderful early Valentine's Day gift!! 

Best one I've ever received. 

39 Weeks

39 weeks, folks. It's getting real...

We're soaking up all of the cuddles we can. Attempting to listen in, lean in, and love well during some pretty difficult tantrums. Partly because he's sick, partly because he's 2 and four months, and partly because we all know that life is soon about to change a WHOLE lot.

 This guy is getting under-foot even more than usual. Christine told me that's a sign that labor is nigh...

 Until he/she decides to make their appearance, we are trying to prepare as best we can and keep things as normal as possible.

We're almost a family of four!

Closer...

38 weeks pregnant, we are down to weeks (or maybe even days) until we meet our sweet little one. 

Ian, will always be our first "baby" and I will always be a sucker for cuddling him or giving him hugs. He woke up from his nap today needing a little extra attention and asked to be picked up. We embraced for a good ten minutes or so and I savored the time I could devote to just him, for as long as he wanted.

Before the snuggle session was over, I managed to snap a few pictures. I love this one. It's entitled "Babe on Babe." I know, I know... part of my belly is showing. This shirt normally manages to cover it completely, but Ian managed to hike it up a bit while I was holding him. It's just getting so BIG and bowling ball-like!!

So, here is my 38 week, 1 day belly in all of its glory:

 It will be a long time until Ian's allowed to "sit" on his baby brother or sister again... 

might as well enjoy it now ;)

Exciting Times!

As of Sunday, we crossed into 37 weeks of pregnancy!!

Jim and I are so excited about welcoming our second baby into our lives very soon. In three weeks, plus or minus two weeks, we will have a newborn in our arms again. We have so many questions... will it be a boy or a girl? Will it have red hair? Will he/she be as big as Ian was (8 lbs 14 oz) or bigger? Please say it won't be so! How will Ian respond? Which of the names we have picked out will we actually choose? Will he/she be a good sleeper or nurser? So many unknowns when you have a baby.

Of course, the only thing we really pray for is a healthy baby. I can do without sleep. I can handle a large baby (I hope!). I just hope and pray for a healthy and smooth delivery.

When we went on our baby moon a few of my fears about labor were brought to light. It was so nice to get the tears and burden I didn't even know I was carrying off of my chest. Ian's labor was long and hard and this baby's might be, too. You just never know! Verbalizing them, seeing the understanding in Jim's eyes and hearing his reassuring voice speak through each concern really helped me to move past the fear mode and more toward the "can-do" and "we're in this together" mode.

We also decided fully that we'd like our friend, Joi, to be our doula for the entire labor. Given Jim's limited time off, I had asked her to be there for my laboring at home, since Jim might not be there the entire time. After our weekend away we agreed that her presence would be comforting, supportive, and encouraging. It eased my mind just to think about having her there.

So much of having a baby is mental. Any ease and comfort that can be organized ahead of time is HUGE.

Today I had my 37 week appointment and Ian went with me. The nurse went to weigh me on the manual scale and asked, "Have you hit 150 yet?" HA!!! Yep, about thirty pounds ago! This pregnancy I have gained about 45 lbs., so far. And I still have a few weeks to go.

We listened to the baby's heartbeat for the longest time so far and it was all over the place! The doctor said that for high-risk pregnancies they do non-stress tests and that our baby was showing us that he/she was absolutely not stressed. His/her heartbeat was moving up and down as he/she was moving and stretching a whole lot. Ian listened to the heartbeat, too.

It's so fun to bring him along to the appointments. He sits in a chair in the corner and eats his snack and drinks water, listening to our conversations. He never gets up or complains. The nurses and the doctors always try to chat him up, but he normally stays pretty quiet. Today he talked to Dr. Hudgins about the snow days and how he threw snow at Mama & Papa.

I asked her if I would have felt the baby switch positions and she checked to see where he/she was. She was confident that his/her head is still down and said that the head is very well engaged. Woo!

After our appointment, Ian and I went for a tour of the birthing center. This is a whole new practice and a whole new hospital for me and so I wanted to be able to picture where I'd be. I also read an article about the importance of showing the older sibling(s) where Mama & Papa will be, so that when they hear that we are in the hospital, they can visualize it as a place they know and have seen before. Ian and I have been doing a lot of talking about what will happen in the coming weeks, and it was really neat to have him there with me today.

We talked about how I would likely be lying in the bed with our baby, Papa would be there, and Äma would bring you to visit me in the bed. And today I even told him that our baby would be bringing him a gift, which he then repeated to me again when we were at home. He seems to really be understanding and processing it. Yesterday on the playground, he was about to go up the steps and turned to me and said, "Äma comes and Mama and Papa come back." Yes, Äma will come and stay with you while Mama & Papa are in the hospital, you'll get to visit us, and then we'll come back.

The facility seems really nice and similar to the one I'd stayed in before.

A letter to "Baby B":

Dear Baby,

You are so very loved. As I write this, you have some unbelievably strong hiccups and you are bouncing my whole belly. This happens often during the night, as well! I was pretty confident that you were head down because your little hands keep nudging me in the pelvic bone and in my lower uterus. You have one foot that you really like to stick straight out to my right side. Sometimes it seems like I should be able to see the whole imprint of a foot in my side! How incredible it is to feel you moving within me.

Sweet babe, you have been working your way into our hearts steadily throughout this entire pregnancy. You've been carving out space for yourself in our family as you grow bigger and take up more room in my lap, where Ian normally sits, and in front of me, how I normally embrace your papa. I love how our bodies are designed and that the significance of your presence is obvious long before you even enter the world.

It has been so very hard for us to wait to learn your gender this time! Only time will tell...

Although we are terribly excited to meet you, I truly want you to come in your own time and at your own pace. We have decades to look forward to with you outside of my womb. Know that we will await your arrival patiently and peacefully until you are ready.

I hope and pray that when you do arrive, you feel the warmth and love that we have for you, making you feel secure and safe in this busy world outside. February is a cold time to begin life, but we promise to cuddle and snuggle you through each day. By the time warmer weather hits, you'll be itching to roll, sit, and crawl... that's so crazy to imagine right now. But, if we learned one thing from raising Ian so far, it's that time waits and slows for no one. We know how precious it is to enjoy every nap on our chests and every coo. We'll savor it all.

And, oh sweet darling, we are so excited for you to meet your brother. He is a joy and loves you so much already. We hope and pray that you two become good playmates in your early years and good friends when you're older. Siblings are such a wonderful, challenging, and life-shaping relationship. We hope to foster a healthy sense of teamwork and love between you. We know there will be trials and conflicts between you, it's only normal, but you can also learn the hardest and best lessons from a sibling who knows us best, gets under our skin, and still loves us anyway.

You are blessed to have a wonderful, caring Papa, too. He works so hard to provide for us but he also makes and takes the time to be present with us as much as he can. He loves adventure, learning (especially about permaculture, at the moment), sports (especially rugby and basketball), creating & woodworking, and playing with Ian. You are going to adore him and he will look at you with only eyes of love. He's a great papa. We're fortunate to have him.

We're fortunate to have family on both sides who encourage and support us and we are blessed to have many friends in our village who are eager to meet you, bring meals, and help us. You will be loved by so many. You already are.

So, come when you're ready. We have almost everything ready for you and what's not ready will get done in due time :) Our love is here and waiting... that's all you really need.

Love,
Mama, Papa, & Ian

Stay tuned...

Boy or Girl?

Arrival Date?

To be determined.

Follow Your Gut

I have to share the latest development that has me SO VERY THRILLED!!

Much of my parenting journey has been a struggle between following my mama's instinct and wanting to know and do what's best for my child, based on research. Ugh! It was a battle to find the balance. In the second year, I was much better about only following my gut rather than asking for advice and searching for articles every time I wanted guidance.

I can already tell that I will be much more relaxed for the second child. I truly believe that you have to do what works best for YOUR child and YOUR family. That's all that matters.

Well, we certainly took the route of survival when it came to nursing and sleeping and raising Ian. During his pregnancy we were determined not to co-sleep and then immediately chose to co-sleep on the night we brought him home from the hospital. We never turned back. We had to in order to survive. That's what Ian wanted and needed. And, in the end, it's been a really beautiful journey.

We nursed until he started really slowing down and it became a bit too painful and much during this pregnancy. The last time he nursed was during his 22nd month. That was much longer than I ever expected we would.

Co-sleeping and breastfeeding have been truly incredible adventures.

Due to the fact that we co-sleep, I had been lying down with Ian until he fell asleep for both naptimes and bedtimes. We'd read books, sing songs, and then lie next to each other until he fell asleep and I would leave the room.

In the last two weeks, I found a new pattern and routine that's worked for us. He loves to say, "I'll be right back, Mama" and then leaves and returns.  Or, he doesn't mind it if I say it and come back. He even repeated it the whole time I was at the beach... "Mama be right back." He feels secure in that we will always return for him and that's a wonderful thing. A fantastic bond that's been built.

Well, I have started telling him that I will be back to check on him after he falls asleep. We read books, sing songs, and then hug and kiss before I leave the room. He has fallen to sleep for naps and nights for a week now, comfortable and secure in the fact that he is safe in his own bed and without his mama.

This has given me so much extra time in the evenings and more freedom in the afternoons. It's given him independence and an ability to fall asleep, securely loved, but on his own. I am so glad that we waited and did this at his own speed, even though it was certainly challenging and exhausting at times. He's able to come to us if he needs to, but he doesn't choose to.

This weekend we were at my parents' house and he needed me to return to the room once or twice more each night, but this was only for extra hugs and kisses. Extra reassurance in a place other than our home. It was a need and it was met. He then felt secure and fell asleep.

Every child is different. This is what Ian needed. He is a truly active and busy child by day, sits very still for book after book, loves hugs and kisses, and by night, he loves cuddling.

Our next step will be trying to move him back into his own bed at night. He moved back into our bed during the first trimester of this pregnancy because he would wake once in the night, and that was too much for me. Now he sleeps through the night in our bed, but soon there will be another baby waking often. It will be best for all of us if he's in his own bed and rested (we think!). But the most recent accomplishment of falling asleep on his own, happily and contently, is huge and wonderful.

My fervent prayer is that I will be able to show our next child the same love and security, but in the strategies that work best for him/her. It will be a whole new ball game and I am trying to go into it with an open mind. We may or may not co-sleep and who knows how long our breastfeeding journey will be, but one thing's for sure... I'm going to cut myself more slack and know that eventually he or she will reach the same security that Ian has (even though sometimes it seemed like it would never come!).

New Mamas,

Follow your gut, 

lose the guilt, 

and love your child and yourself the best you can. 

Do what's best for your family.

The end.

One of the VERY few occasions Ian fell asleep on his own  (and not in the carseat/stroller) before this past week.
He was sick and obviously needed some rest.

Full Fall Day

A few weeks ago my dad came to visit. He brought with him a little red wheelbarrow, which is perfectly Ian-sized and great for playing in our wonderful backyard. Thanks, Daddio!

We always try to get a little music session with him when he comes, so here he is playing the xylophone he gave us last spring and singing for Ian.

On his one full day here, we gave him the true New River Valley, autumnal experience. We went to The Palisades for brunch, which is an amazing restaurant tucked in an unlikely location in an old, run-down town. Seriously, I dream of their brunches. Each dish is unique and mouth-watering. It's reasonably priced, and kids eat free until they are five. Woot!

Next we went to Doe Creek Orchard, which has incredible views and a large variety of apples. We picked a whopping 84 pounds. Now, two weeks later, we only have five apples left. We used them to make apple sauce, butter, crisps, pies, chips, and then a whole lot of eating. Many bags contain frozen pie fillings and sliced, cored, and peeled apples to throw into baking and cooking throughout the year.

Ian napped for the first part of the picking and then came to join us.

He sure loves apples!!

This kid.

Ian and I picked a few more to add to the bounty that Jim & Grumps had already accumulated, and then we joined them down at the wine tasting. We didn't join in, though ;)

Next we headed to Joe's Trees, which is a wonderful pumpkin patch/Christmas tree farm between Blacksburg and the orchard. We couldn't have asked for better weather to show off our area.

Ian milked the cow...

showed us how tall he was...

and then led the way to the pumpkin patch.

Err, maybe just led me. Ha! I love this picture of three generations marching over the hill. We could have taken the hay ride, but the line was pretty long. We decided to take it on the way back.

Jim ran back to double-check on the pumpkin prices, so Grumps & Ian took some time to enjoy watching and waving to the tractors as they went by.

He was surprised to find that this one had a hole in it...

Me and my three pumpkins... that belly is growing, growing, growing.

22 Weeks Pregnant

"Hey Grumps, how about this one?"

We tried to take a few family pictures for our Christmas card. I'm saving them for later, in case we use them. But here's one of all of us :)

Me and my boy. He chose one little pumpkin to bring home.

But not after piling a whole bunch in my lap and counting them over and over again. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, two... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, two..."

Here comes the hayride!

First let's explore this tractor...

While we figured out which pumpkins we wanted, Grumps played with Ian.

Ian helped us choose a bunch of pie pumpkins to process later.

And soon our pumpkin hopped into the wheelbarrow with all of the other pumpkins to head home.

Our car was full of people, apples, and pumpkins. The sign of a harvest-full, autumn day.