Slow and Steady

First off, Happy Leap Day to you all! I just love that there's a day that only comes around every four years. How neat is that?

I wish I could say that I celebrated this special day, but it was actually a bit lousy. My sleep was very poor last night and I awoke to a phone call from HR telling me that my "return to work" form had too many restrictions and that I cannot return to work on Monday. So, needless to say, I've spent much of this day on the phone with HR and with my doctor's office. As of right now, a new set of forms sit and wait for my family doctor. He may be able to change some of the restrictions, but I'm not sure he'll be able to change all of them. There is something to be said for this long, slow recovery... there are some things I just cannot do.

One of the cards I've received. Slow and steady...

The toughest thing for me will be the months to come. I know this already. And while I do not wear a bandage like the turtle in this picture, it's going to be even harder because my pain and injury are not visible from the outside. I've never had an injury like this before.

And for the past two weeks I have been quietly and passively blaming myself for my condition. If I had just handled my stress better, or if I had just stood up for myself during a peak of stressful time, or if I had just exercised more, or if I had just let certain things go, then perhaps this wouldn't have happened to me. While I've said over and over that hindsight is hindsight, I haven't really let myself hand over this burden. I've kept it within and it was really wearing on me.

We can reach for explanations, but they can only go so far. We can research and plan and organize and consult, but at some point we have to realize that there are some things we cannot control. Because, believe me, I've done each of those things.

Wisdom came to me from our neighbor and friend on the Clarion River. She said, "I am sending my prayers for you and ask that you forgive yourself and your body for creating this mess...  Take care of yourself, be your own best friend, and when you forget to do this, forgive yourself and begin again!!!"

These words came almost as a blanket to comfort me and tuck me in during one of my lowest moments. It's okay to forgive myself and allow myself to forget, and then be reminded again. It's really alright. And in my response to her, I said that I will need to read these words many times over the next 6 months. Those 6 months have now been extended to 9 months, but with the likelihood of a full recovery.

And while I'm an introvert, I also just love being around people (Right, Krumichs?). Just when I started missing interactions with people, I got a card from Jim's parents saying, 'If there's one thing you can be sure of, it's this: whatever comes, you won't be alone. You'll have thoughts and prayers surrounding and protecting you every step of the way. So just picture yourself right there in the middle of a big circle of caring... because that's where you are. And there's no safer place to be.'

Between the doctors, my family, coworkers, and friends, I really do feel surrounded by warmth, peace, and friendship. The number of people reading my meager blog is amazing to me. Thanks for being with me every step of the way.

Last night was actually my worst night of sleep yet. My headache feels a bit lighter and my neck continues to ache. But the good news from the past two days still has my heart leaping for joy! Get it? LEAP-ing? Leap day... leaping... :)

Next Up:

- When will I return to work?

- Lab Work, Monday 3/5 @ 3:45

- GP Appt., Friday 3/9 @ 4

Thank you to Susan for dinner and dessert tonight!

Good, good news!

Well, two doctor's appointments later, I am feeling quite optimistic and happy!

Yesterday we met with the neurologist and he is expecting a full recovery for me! Woohoo! Never have those words been more beautiful. I put them in the same category as summer, dark chocolate, vacation, music, singing, outdoors, and adventure :)

Hiking up Mt. Aspiring in Alaska, 2011
Full recovery means I may do this again!?

He drew me a few pictures to really diagram what happened and what he expects to happen. He also changed my pain medications and muscle relaxers, in hopes that they will help and to take me off of one narcotic, which could lead to other problems. He guessed that we are out-of-the-woods, so to speak, as far as a stroke, with a 5% possibility of stroke. He says I'll need to stay on coumadin for 9 months, so that puts us to Novemeber, folks. It will be a very happy Thanksgiving, indeed. I'll go back to him in three months, but will communicate with him prior to then.

When we walked out of his office Jim immediately said, "He is a beast." Jim doesn't give out those compliments lightly. So, you can be that he really is :)

This morning I went to the family doctor, who Jim also thinks is incredible. Side note: Jim went to Honduras with my family doctor and his family last year. He got to see him in many different settings and is just so impressed with how he interacts with patients, other colleagues, medical students, and his own family. Jim basically wants to BE this doctor. And I think he's pretty great, too.

Okay, back to the update.... they checked my INR and it was 2.0!!!!! Yay! This means that I am barely within the range I should be in, but I'm there! And this also means that I don't need to prepare myself for horrible, painful shots of Lovenox every 12 hours! Good, good news.

He also checked my hemoglobin levels to make sure that I am not at risk for anemia and I'm not, yet. We'll continue checking those levels whenever I go in for a visit.

So, those are the wonderful updates. Yup, I'm thrilled. I still have a headache and neck pain, but hopefully the new medications will work their magic. It's still going to be a slow, low-key recovery, but there's an end in sight and a healthy, good prediction comes with it.

We filled out my paperwork for the school system today and he says I can return for full-day work starting on Monday (3/5). By then perhaps the pain will be "under control." The fact is that I may have to live with some for a while. I think I'll tiptoe into work and do some planning and some visiting and prep before then, but that's the deal.

Thank you for your continued support and love! It's time to go lie down now :)

It all started when...

News of this incident has spread and there are people who are reading my blog and wondering "How in the world did this happen?" and "How the heck did you know you had this condition?" And, in thinking back, I never did answer these questions on the blog. I just said, "long story short" and moved on to the diagnosis. Here I hope to answer those questions...


I was teaching (Feb 6th) and I felt a stabbing pain in my shoulder.  When I reached up, I felt a huge lump and then I felt it travel up my neck and into my head. It was then I lost my vision in both eyes, partially, for about 20-25 minutes. Silly, naive me thought, "I must be dehydrated." It was the end of the day, I was wearing a bulky, warm sweater and I just assumed that I had not had enough to drink that day (Heat stroke from my XC days was on my mind). I wasn't confused or disoriented, so I kept teaching through it. When my vision cleared 20-25 minutes later, it was the end of the day. 


I lay down in the nurse's office and a coworker drove me home. I had a headache from the moment it traveled into my head on. I took one sick day and then taught that whole week with a headache. The headache still didn't go away, so I went to the doctor one week after it started (Feb 13). They referred me for an MRI and MRA and to a neurologist. Insurance wouldn't cover me for the tests (As they were "not medically necessary"...still so absurd to recall!) and the neurologist called and asked me to come in 4 days early during his lunch break (Feb 15). Even with the neurologist's scripts sent to my insurance, they refused to accept that I needed an MRA and an MRI.


After much discussion and conversation, the neurologist told me he was either going to admit me to a hospital or we'd have to go through the ER. Since he thought the ER would be the cheapest route for me, he sent me directly there and that's where my blog picks up.


The suspicion as to how this happened has been traced back to treatment I have been receiving for TMJ. In these treatments I have had manipulations done to my neck. That is what the doctors are crediting as the "trauma" that occurred. I will not be receiving any more treatments like this for the rest of my life. Nor will I be allowed to have massages, etc. This is a very rare case and there is a very small percentage of people who are predisposed to this possibility.


We're grateful that this was caught when it was. There are a great many things which could have happened and didn't.


As always, we really appreciate your thoughts, prayers and well-wishes! Today, at 5 PM, we have an appointment with the neurologist credited with saving my life. I may just give him a BIG OL' HUG!!!! I'm told that he may do the same, but he seemed far too reserved and calm to do that :)

Found on Pinterest.com

Advice from a River

It took me a long time to even become willing to write a blog. My cousins kept trying to convince me to join the blogging world and I just kept saying, "What do I have to write about?" and "Why would anyone want to read it?"And I often still feel this way. But I decided to, at first, write it as just a journal for myself. I didn't share anything vastly personal, but I did try to document the small and big things that were going on in our lives. I think, and hope, that this is still what I do one year later.

But in the very beginning you have to decide on a name, and that, I found, was a lot of pressure. After deliberating for a while, I finally decided on RiverandShore because it's from one of my favorite songs and I feel most at home on a river. I know how to read the rapids and how to find the eddies, and I know the going can be slow, and that the outside of a curve will always be deeper, and there can be times when you have to get out and walk because it's just too shallow all of the way across. I've gained this knowledge from a lifetime of canoeing, kayaking, and swimming in different rivers.

Well, there's one river I know better than any other. It's the Clarion River in Pennsylvania. As a matter of fact, Jim's Aunt Sherri, a traveling ER nurse specializing in cardiac patients, told me that a great and calming technique is to imagine you are in a place you know very well. A place where you know the smells and the sounds, and you can feel the things around you. She said that I should try walking myself through a place like this and it can be quite relaxing and take your mind away from the pain. You can guess where I chose to take myself.... I went to the Clarion.

And, boy did it work!? It was incredible. I put myself on a bike and went for a ride down River Road. I biked and, all the while, looked at the road and the trees around me, and I waved at the neighbors at the familiar houses, and I nodded my head at each of the familiar boulders in the river, and the rapids, and the herons, kingfishers, and the bald eagle, since he was in his usual perch in the tall, dead tree.

I smelled the pines, and heard the eager canoers pass by, and at the end of the ride I even stopped and had an ice cream at the Pale Whale, before peddling back home. But I surprised myself by actually knowing each bend in the road and turn of the river. Never have I sat and actually taken myself on a prolonged journey in my memory. It's amazing what your mind can do and where it can take you, and how it can relax and comfort your body to do so.

My Aunt Beth sent me a shirt the day after I went to "visit" The Pinery and the Clarion River. This shirt could not be any better. She said, "I just saw that shirt and thought it was absolutely perfect for you...at any time, but especially right now." She's hit the nail on the head!

The shirt says "Advice from a River:"

Go with the flow           Immerse yourself in nature                     Slow down and meander

             Go around the obstacles                    Be thoughtful of those downstream

                                                                                                                                Stay current                   

The beauty is in the journey!

Yes, it's backwards... that's what happens when
you are lazy and use Photo Booth!

Health Update: Yesterday I took it very slow and Jim built a fire. We had our friend, Maria, over late in the afternoon and it was really nice. She's amazing and positive and the hours flew by. By the end of our visit my neck was quite painful, so I had to lie down for the evening. Today my neck and head are hurting. We went on a short walk on the Huckleberry Trail, which my body was grateful for. I felt my pace quicken a few times and had to remind myself to be an "old lady." I'll have to get used to everyone passing me for a while. It was nice to have a change of setting, though.

Timeline:

Monday- Neuro Appt. @ 5 PM

Tuesday- GP Appt. @ 9:30 AM

We'll see what they say about my progress and going back to work. Let's hope my INR is between 2-3.

Thank you to Randy and family for meatloaf tonight! :)

Now I lie here on the couch deciding what next to do. I hope to find a way to stream the Academy Awards online tonight. Let me know if you have any leads or tips :)

On My Way

This morning I was supposed to go wedding dress shopping with a dear friend and I'm not able to go. I'd been looking forward to this outing for a month. I'm there  in spirit, Adri! I cannot wait to see what you choose and I can imagine you giggling and laughing with joy as you try on the different dresses. So happy for you!

To pull myself up by my bootstraps, I decided to look up the song that had been paired with the video I received from my students yesterday. Do you know the song, "On My Way," by Phil Collins? I had never heard it before. If you'd like to listen click here. Disregard the Disney video, if you'd like and just listen to the lyrics.

Tell everybody i'm on my way
New friends and new places to see
With blue skies ahead, yes i'm on my way
And theres no where else i'd rather be

St. John, Honeymoon, 2009

Tell everybody i'm on my way
And i'm loving every step i take
With the sun beating down, yes i'm on my way
And i can't keep this smile off my face

Longwood Gardens, PA- 2010

Cause theres nothing like, seeing each other again
No matter what the distance between
And the stories we tell, will make you smile
Or really lifts my heart


So tell'em i'm on my way
New friends and new places to see
And to sleep under the stars and could ask for more
With the moon keeping watch over me

Louisiana, 2009

Not the snow nor the rain, can change my mind
The sun will come out, wait and see
And the feeling of the wind 
In your face can lift your heart

Winter backpacking trip on AT, 2007

Oh... theres no where i'd rather be
Cause i'm on my way now 
Well and true
I'm my way there
I'm on my way now(x3)

River Road, Cook Forest- Date?

Tell everybody i'm on my way
I just can't wait to be there
With blue skies ahead, yes I'm on my way
And nothing but good times to share

Alaska Trip, 2011

So tell everybody I'm on my way
And I just can't wait to be home
With the sun beating down yes I'm on my way
And nothing but good times to show

Cascades, 2011

I'm on my way
Yes, I'm on my way 

We're on our way :)

I'm on my way... I'm not there yet, and it will take a while, but I'm on my way. Just a little more music therapy to pass the time. Now just imagine a video with students holding signs and reading poems while listening to the lyrics and you'll be imagining the video I received. Thank you, Janet!


Lyrics found on: http://www.lyrics007.com/Phil%20Collins%20Lyrics/On%20My%20Way%20Lyrics.html

Showered

I'm very much like my grandparents in that I absolutely love checking the mail. I can remember visits with them from throughout my childhood, when they would systematically find out when the mailman arrived. Yes, they lived in a house a fair distance from the road, but they always kept the view to the mailbox clear. They would carefully schedule and place items to be mailed out in the box with the flag up and then they would wait and check with their binoculars if the flag had been lowered. If it had, we'd go on a walk to get the mail and then, sometimes, meander back to the house on one of their trails.

I have this same excitement about checking the mail, even if it is just bills and catalogs. Well, Jim didn't check the mail yesterday and I was a little bummed. Normally I pick him up from work and I, without fail, stop to get the mail. Jim's got some different genes, that's for sure; mail isn't a big priority for him. So, no mail yesterday.

Well, today I decided to venture out of the house on a short walk with my hubby. Where did I decide to go? You guessed it, the mailbox! And you all certainly did not let me down...

And a visit from Wanda brought more. Janet, the business teacher at school, put together a beautiful flip-video of my 6th graders, which I wish I could share on here. Watching my students brought tears of joy and warmed my heart. Such a thoughtful gift!

Thank you to Kiah for dinner tonight! Yum!

We've got so much to be thankful for. As the rain sprinkled outside, I felt showered in love on the inside.

_______________________________________________________________________

Health update: not much to say! I might be imagining it, but I think that the headache was lighter today. The walk felt good, but I may have pushed too hard, as the headache is going strong now. A reminder to take it slow...

Jim had a free clinic practical experience today and, once again, he came home beaming. It's so great to see his hard work paying off in these Friday experiences. He's going to be such a great doctor!

Oh, and both of the girls I was conditioning for soccer try-outs made the team today!!! I'm thrilled for them :)

Wise Words...

... from a wise cousin-in-law in Berlin. Love you, Georg!

"So maybe - besides the pain and the danger you were (hopefully not: are) in - being sick's a possibility to calm down, look back and forth and see what you've already reached in life and by how much beauty you're sourrounded."

It has been a chance to stop and reflect. In twenty-five years I've gotten to do a WHOLE lot, try MANY different things, and go LOTS of different places. Thank you to Mom and Dad for making much of that possible and to teachers, professors, colleagues, and principals for pushing me to reach even farther than I thought I could. Thank you to Jim for having the same adventurous spirit and for working so hard right now to prepare for our future. This has been a time of contemplation and many emotions have reared, but I always come back to being thankful for where I am, who's prodded and pushed me along the way, and who I'm with. 

Jim says that this week is the first time since he's known me that I have actually relaxed and rested. Perhaps Georg's right... this is a season for reflection and a chance to observe the beauty around me.