Nine In & Nine Out

Somehow we've made it through nine months of pregnancy and nine months of infancy before I've even been able to bat my eyes. Ian has taught me what true, unconditional love can look like. He's taught me the unbelievable passion and profound depth of a parents' love.  I've felt this within myself and observed it in my husband. We are so utterly infatuated with his every giggle, whimper, and development.

There was a time when we could only dream of his hair color, his resemblance to us, and his personality. A time when we could sleep without waking fretfully to check if he is okay; a time when we didn't keep track of poopy diapers. But that time was not as full and certainly not as rich as it is now. Sleep can wait, though it truly pains me to say it sometimes. As Jim says, "We'll sleep when he's eighteen." Even then, we'll be constantly aware of his presence and his well-being. Our heart is forever moving outside of our bodies.

Here I am at four weeks, soon after we learned we were pregnant...

And I believe I was around 39-40 weeks during this picture. Our bodies are incredible, incredible vessels. Ian came right on time at 40 weeks, so this was one of the last pictures we have of our pregnancy.

Before we moved, we decided that it was FINALLY time to DO something with the belly cast. It has sat on the shelf in the nursery for the last nine months. I always wanted a comparison picture and the time was NOW.

While people had said I didn't look like I'd had a baby earlier, which was very kind, I didn't feel like I was getting back to my pre-pregnancy body until right about the time he was nine months out or 40 weeks. It's often said that this is true, but I didn't want to believe it. This past week at the beach I didn't wear a bikini, but I might have considered it had I not purchased a one-piece breastfeeding suit about a month before.

I have to admit that I have had a bit of a struggle with the process of my body changing back to "normal." I loved being pregnant and the changing of my body then. I really did. Afterward was much harder. I hope and pray that I won't be as hard on myself the next go-around, if there is another go-around.

After all, a woman's body basically climbs a mountain daily during pregnancy. A woman's body basically runs a marathon during labor. And then a woman's body has the ability to provide sustenance to an infant for the first year of their life or more. WOW. Just wow.

And I go and knock my body for how it looks. Hmmm. Something's wrong with that.

Jim's sister recently sent me this link to women who got pictures taken after labor, celebrating their bodies. It's beautiful. And they're glowing.

So, today I am celebrating nine months in and nine months out. I'm celebrating motherhood. I'm celebrating my body. I'm amazed by how much can happen and change in 80 weeks. I'm wishing I had more pictures of my changing body during those early months and of breastfeeding, if only for myself. And I'm tearily looking through old pictures of Ian and then sitting back and savoring my baby as he crawls all of the way under the bed, giggles, then finds his next tunnel to crawl under. I'm savoring that my body is still his favorite jungle gym, even when he's not nestled in my womb.

What a journey it is to be a parent.

I'm humbled

&

thankful.

Thanks for walking this road with me so far. For those struggling with this right now, you're not alone. 

Growth Spurt

Well, they say that growth spurts tend to come in multiples of threes: three weeks, six weeks, three months, etc. You get the picture. Ian, punctual as ever, was right on target.

Happy three weeks, Ian Forrester!!!

One of the many expressions :)

As soon as we passed his second week of life, Ian began a crazy growth spurt. Already a big baby, he was ready to take on more! He's been showing this by wanting to eat constantly, fussing, wanting to eat again very soon after, sleeping, and wanting to eat again very soon.

Disclaimer: The next four paragraphs are a journal for me about early breastfeeding/being a mama. Feel free to skip if it's TMI! I've gone through, and no doubt will continue to go through, the new mama worries about whether or not my milk supply is enough for him, if my diet is affecting him and my milk, if I didn't burp him properly and that's what's leading to more fussiness... on and on. You name it, I thought of it.

What I've learned and figured out is that my milk supply is plenty, actually to the point of too much. It comes out too quickly for him, leading to fussiness because he needs to be burped and frustration because he. wants. food.  So, since my let-down is too strong, I need to lie on my back and allow him to nurse while lying on top of me. This slows the milk down and allows him to take what he can handle. Thank you, Ina May Gaskin and your guide to breastfeeding! In a period of desperation I turned to early problems and this was right there for me.

This won't last forever, as my milk supply adjusts. So, until then I'll lie down and feed him and stay away from activities and engagements that don't allow for a mama lying down somewhere... ;)

What I've learned is that this fussiness is normal. He's not colicky, just perhaps frustrated with too much supply. Then in the evening, all women tend to have less of a supply because their bodies are tired and that's when his fussiness peaks. Okay, it's normal. Though it's hard to see my baby frustrated and I'm going to continue to trouble shoot non-stop. Friends have confirmed it, a La Leche League leader talked me through everything (nursing, poop, sleep time, etc.) and said he sounds great.

The pediatrician definitely confirmed this at our appointment last week. He weighed in at 10 lbs. 5 oz, which puts him in the 90%. His height was 22.75 inches which puts him in the 99% (WHAT?!) and his head circumference was 14.75, putting him in the 90%. I guess that all of these things explain why some of the newborn clothes don't fit him anymore! Especially length-wise.


So, as I've said before... steep learning curve! And it will only continue for the rest of his life. Right? I'm predicting right.

This week Ian has started to train his eyes to look at specific things. While nursing, he will often stare into my eyes for much of the feeding. What an incredible feeling that is!

Ian loves being outside lying on a blanket or stationary in the BOB (mobile crib) while I play fetch with Leif or lie next to him. His eyes dart and dance around, taking in the new environment with all of his senses. He also loves looking toward windows and lights. Darkly patterned fabrics also interest him these days and he continues to do well with holding his neck up during tummy time or while lying on our chests.

Sleeping with Ian has changed a bit the last couple of nights. I have never been very good about remembering and timing our sleep, but I tried. I believe that the last two nights we've slept much more than before! Perhaps 2.5-3 hour chunks each time! Good job, Ian!!! And, I think that he is sleeping more soundly, going to sleep much easier than ever before and allowing me to transfer him off of my chest and on to the bed without opening his eyes and needing to be soothed again. I've also gotten more relaxed and savvy (if it's possible) with nursing and cosleeping, not second-guessing every move, since it's become more routine.

His favorite position for sleeping is certainly on his chest. Too bad this isn't what doctors recommend anymore! He can often be found sleeping on his Papa's chest in the evening or mine during the day. Sometimes I try to place him somewhere and run around getting a few things done, but he never seems to sleep as long or as hard. They say that the first three months of their lives are like fourth trimesters in that the baby is really just used to being with you all of the time and that's really what they need developmentally. So, most of the time I am either sleeping or resting with him or walking around wearing him in the Beco or Boba (Both are sanity-savers! Thank you Mom & Aunt Beth!).

If it's possible, it seems as though his hair has taken a more reddish tone. Perhaps we have a ginger on our hands! I was born with red hair and it quickly changed to blonde, while Jim had blonde hair, as well. But Jim's grandfather, known as Red, was known for his great red, curly hair. My grandma always wanted a red-headed grandchild. Perhaps she'll have a red-headed great-grandchild! You never know!

This past weekend he got to meet Aunt Phoebe for the first time! She provided lots of cuddles for Ian and comfort and conversation for his mama. Thank you, Phoebe!!! We went to the Blacksburg Farmer's Market and grocery shopping for our outing. It was wonderful having a third person shopping with us because we were able to divide and conquer the list quite quickly, while Phoebe pushed Ian around in the stroller. That evening Jim marinated and cooked us some xixos (Brazilian for shish kabobs) over the fire pit! SO yummy. He was inspired by a Brazilian booth at the Farmer's Market that makes our mouths drool for the rest of the week.

We are grateful for the meals we received last week from Jana, Deb, & Caryn! Thank you :)

I love this precious picture.

Sometimes I still look at Jim and say, "We have a baby!" or "We're parents?!"

What a joy to watch him grow and a true blessing to be his parents.