Capturing Motherhood

One of the hardest things for me as a mama is experiencing the time flying by. I just want to seize time, give it a good talking to, and make it stop.

And then, as each day comes, I am in awe of the new and exciting changes in emotional, physical, and lingual developments. It's a dynamic life we live in these early years of fostering love, creativity, & problem-solving. I learn over and over again that tomorrow has its joys, too.

 But now that I have a newborn on my chest again, I am given a clear reminder of how fleeting each day and month of these first few years really are. Wasn't it just yesterday that Ian was on my chest drifting off to sleep after a solid nursing, and not waking up to every sound in the room?

Now he goes to sleep by himself, behind a closed door, listening to music, after we've completed his bedtime routine. He's much more independent, interactive, and calculated. And it's wonderful in its own way.

Holding a newborn, listening to the purrs on my chest, feeling the occasional jerk of his reflexes, and smelling that sweet newborn smell is its own kind of wonderful & lovely.

 Since I know that time stops for no one, I didn't want more time to pass without a few pictures of me with this darling boy. Time gets away from us during this harried season of life.

Photos are the only way I know to stop time. I look back at photos from our road trip out west, our wedding, Ian's short life, and memories flood back to me. I cannot wait for the day that we have all of these blog post printed in books on the shelf.

With Christine coming for a few days, I knew I'd have someone who would be patient and take a bunch of photos, and not judge me for asking for just a few more. She willingly took some of a nice afternoon with me outside to snap them. Thank you, Christine! I am forever grateful.

This go-around, I am trying to be much more loving in my thoughts toward my body. It took 9 months to make Owen, and it will take months to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. And my body will never necessarily be the same again. And why should it be? It brought two miracles into this world. Shouldn't my heart and body be forever changed? My body made a human and now my body is capable of feeding that human from my own body for his first year of life. That's amazing. And that's worth celebrating.

I am forever changed for the better. These boys are daily teaching me lessons in love, forgiveness, weakness, and strength. Sacrifice and patience, grace and discipline. This life is challenging; it pushes me to my limits and then pushes me a little farther. I love this quote from Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." Love just expands.

 Owen's been such a sweet and wonderful little lad. He's cuddly and content to spend the days on my chest or in my arms. Baby-wearing is a blessed gift for getting things done and loving Ian well, by having my hands free and able to play with him, while snuggling Owen close.

In the evenings Owen normally has some gas and can be upset, but normally he immediately calms down as soon as the gas is relieved or he soils his diaper. Who can blame him? Other than that short period of the day, he's a very happy chap.

My heart literally burns when he's on my chest. I love this photo of him lying there. There's a warmth that emanates from my body and into him when he's on me. The bond between a mama and her child is one amazing thing! He just feels right when he's on my chest. He was with me for nine months in the womb, so it only makes sense that the two of us would have a need to be together.

Getting to stay at home with my children in these early years is the greatest privilege and I know each interaction is shaping their understanding of emotions, of language, and of the world. I know I have taken some moments and days for granted, but I desperately want to be intentional and present in this season and every season of motherhood.

 I LOVE THIS ONE. That sweet yawn.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."- Mother Teresa

This quote really struck a chord with me recently. I have found this to be true in motherhood and in every other area of my life, but especially in mothering my young children. The more love I pour in, the more love there is. And sometimes it really does feel painful, but it always acts as a salve to my own wounds and calms the tears and tensions around me.

What a gift. What a miracle.

And what complete and utter joy.

This fellow certainly loves to be held, and especially by his mama. I am so happy to indulge him. These days won't last forever. You'll find me wearing, rocking, and loving my baby.

Thank you, Jim, for supporting and encouraging me so well in this gig called motherhood. 

And thank you for the two little ones we get to parent together. 

I am so grateful to have these moments of time captured. To freeze these moments. These stills show far more to me than what meets the eye. My senses engage and my heart skips a few beats. For when the beds are empty and the rooms are quiet, I'll be able to recall the long nights, the squeals of delight, the calls of my name in the wee hours, the cries for milk, the scattering thunder of blocks across the living room, and the pitter patter of bare feet across the wood floors. I want these pictures to dredge up every memory of this busy, harried, and weathering season.

In the end, I want to remember hugging more, kissing bumps & bruises, saying "yes" more than "no," building towers, eating "Friday" eggs (what Ian calls fried eggs) in the morning, spending all afternoon outside or at the playground instead of doing laundry. I want to remember building with blocks or assisting through puzzles rather than emptying the dishwasher. I want to have stains on my clothes rather than stress over my appearance and having it "all together." Motherhood's messy, tedious, & busy, but even more so, it's full, dynamic, and beautiful.

These posts and pictures are my attempt at capturing these years and our lives so that I can look back years from now. Years ahead, in the future, when I am quietly sitting and drinking coffee that's actually warm and eggs that are fresh out of the pan, after taking a shower whenever I want. Life will be full then, too, but not as every minute seems to be right now. 

Right now, as I literally wait for my chance to get a shower. Instead, I sit with a sleeping babe in the carrier on my chest. I sit listening to him breath and I can't help but kiss the cheek that sticks out invitingly from under the Boba. Regular/spontaneous showers and warm, even hot, coffee can wait. Time and this sweet baby will just keep moving. 

Thank goodness for pictures.

Life & Visits

While life has been fairly simple with cuddles, diaper changes, and nursings, it's seemed so busy and full during these first few weeks. We've had Jim's mom here for a week, then one week of normal family life, and now Jim's sister is here for a few days. Here are a few photos to capture some of Owen's early weeks and our new life as a family of four.

 Still in his scrub pants, Jim reads a story to Ian. We're trying to make sure we devote loads of time and attention to him, although he makes it fairly easy, since he loves to ask to be read to, played with, and sung to. He's very social.

 Somehow we all seem to end up on the couch together a lot. It's lovely.

 We're so grateful for our time with Gramee. Thank you for the meals, games, books, and love that you poured into all of us.

 We look forward to our next visit!!

 Owen continues to adore his sheepskin. We just love this sleeping angel.

 From the very beginning he responded to the sound of my voice and would turn his head toward me. Lately he's really been catching my eyes and gazing into them for long periods of time. It's the sweetest, most heart-warming experience. Oh, my heart... being a mama is the best.

 One day Ian and I made something with peanut butter and honey and I let him lick the spatula. He was covered in both from his forehead to his chin, but boy was he happy!!!

 Life's included a lot of really sweet sibling moments. Most of them include Ian asking to hold Owen, which is wonderful. He's very gentle and immediately wants to hand him off as soon as he fusses, "Owen's upset."

 This was a sweet moment... those guys...

 I've been placing Owen on a blanket on the floor sometimes, while Ian and I are playing in the same room. Owen is very content to lie on his back and watch the world around him. Overall he's a very content baby and enjoys having a few independent, quiet moments during the day.

If he fusses, there's always a reason... gas is normally the culprit.

Ian's very careful about staying off of the blanket, as he navigates the room. He walks around the blanket and even verbalizes, "We have to be careful around Owen." Yes, we do! Thanks, Son!

 Moments like this make me so happy. Two boys already "playing" independently in the same room together. Both content, both aware of the other's presence. Both feeling my presence in the same room. Both feeling known.

 His alert eyes just melt me. Such an aware, active, sweet little man.

"Easy like Sunday morning..."

We're looking forward to more mornings like this next week during Jim's vacation time :)

 I snapped a few pictures like this of Ian, when he was a baby, so I thought I'd do a couple this time, too. Ian came in and hopped into the photo :)

 Christine came for a visit and obliged me by taking a few (okay a TON) of pictures of me & Owen. Thank you for your patience and for taking a bizillion photos for me to choose from. Post to come.

This picture occurred during the photo shoot. Ian was playing happily with Leif for most of the time, but he came over for a kiss on his hand, when he got a scratch. All things can be solved so easily for a toddler. If only we could keep this innocence...

 We're so grateful that Christine chooses to spend her vacations from pharmacy school with us. She comes often enough that she knows most of our friends and Ian calls our guest room "Istine's room," even when she's not here. This visit she took Ian to hang out with my friends and their kids while Owen and I had a quiet morning at home. A blessing for both Ian and me.

 Owen loves her, too. And I think that the feeling is mutual.

There you go, a few snapshots into visits and daily life in the past couple of weeks.

Merry Christmas! 2015

"Why can't we have Christmas the whole year around?" Those are lyrics from a song on one of my favorite Christmas cassettes (yes, tapes!) that my parents have. And this year, I'm spreading Christmas as far as it can go... to the end of January ;) Partly because I haven't had a chance and partly because if I wait any longer than I may have a newborn in my arms and then it will truly NEVER happen. So, Christmas continues...

My parents had a beautiful, slender tree this year. They have so many ornaments, that not all of them made the cut, but it was a gorgeous tree! Ian spent a good deal of time looking at all of their ornaments and Äma happily obliged and talked to him about each one.

 The biggest joy of this Christmas was watching Ian enjoy it so much. He loved all of the new books and stories that came out for the season, he loved the singing, he loved being around family, and he loved opening presents!!

 Mom & James were the chefs. On Christmas Eve they made a delicious baked pork, sweet potato, and apple meal. My mouth still waters thinking about it.

We were fortunate to have Jim around for a few days around Christmas. We drove up to my parents' home on Christmas Eve and stayed for two nights over Christmas.

 Christmas morning we awoke to a 60 degree F day... what?!?

Ian wore his new onesie from Äma that said, "Santa's Little Helper" and he was such a joy to watch throughout the morning. He carefully ripped each gift open and played with each toy until it was his turn to open another gift. We always start with the youngest member of the family and lap around and around again.

It was such a pleasure to spend Christmas morning with him. We couldn't soak up enough of him. It's amazing to think that next year there will be two little ones sitting on that braided rug under the tree.

As per family tradition, we hiked up to Paris View on this very foggy day. 

 It was the first time we've EVER done it in shorts and t-shirts. I can remember one time I thought I would die of wind chill... this was definitely not the case this year.

 Ian hiked most of the way up and down, but here are a few cute shots of this inseparable duo.

We timed our hike perfectly because as soon as we stepped inside the house, it poured down rain. Whew!

Grumps wasn't feeling up to the hike, but he happily snuck away for some reading & playing after our amazing roast beast and yorkshire pudding feast.

 After dinner and before dessert we sang carols. Ian immediately resumed his perch on the stool (where he sits every time Grumps plays for him) and listened to all of us sing carols. It was a really heart-warming time for me, singing these songs with my siblings on either side and my son in rapt attention.

 And, once again, he took his spot behind the piano after Grumps left it vacant.

 He had obviously been carefully observing Grumps' stance. He looks so much like my dad here!!!

On Boxing Day we headed home after a delicious raclette lunch. Thank you, Mom & Dad, for hosting us and for the amazing meals!! What a wonderful visit.

Ian napped while Jim and I enjoyed lots of time to chat and enjoy each other's company. Car rides have a nice way of lending themselves to conversations and purposeful time together.

Late that night Jim's parents arrived to celebrate Christmas with us. The next morning, as usual, Gramee was up with the sun and ready to read and play with Ian!! He was happy to show her his huge stack of library books that sit next to his bed and they read through each and every one of them.

We ate breakfast and then hopped straight into opening Christmas gifts!! We saved our big one for Ian to open at home. Here he is with his new barn!! A home for all of his animals.

Gramee & Grandpa brought their gifts and Aunt Erin & Uncle Russ' gifts with them, so the tree was, once again, full of presents!!

I love watching Ian stick his tongue out as he concentrates. It has always made me think of my grandpa, who did the same thing. John, Jim's dad, commented that Grampy always did that when he was focusing... so, he gets it from both of his great grandfathers!!

Ian was blessed to receive so many wonderful presents, toys, clothes, and books from all of our loving family members. It was an amazing Christmas for this two year old!!

Such a focused little man.

As I mentioned before, we didn't take for granted that Jim had a few days off to enjoy with us. Ian LOVES rough-housing, chatting, and working with his papa.

Gramee & Grandpa came with us for a nice outing to the playground in the morning.

I love this picture of the two of them.

That afternoon we went for a walk on the Huckleberry to stretch our legs and enjoy the weather.

The next morning we had breakfast and then John & Kim headed back to Pennsylvania and Jim started back to work. Thank you for a great visit! Thank you for our wonderful gifts!!

Two days later, Christine arrived and we had our third Christmas!! See, why can't we have Christmas the whole year around?! Once again, we had a lovely gift exchange. It's so fun to have Christine visit and stay with us for a while. She gets into our routine, enjoys doing things in our area, knows many of our friends, is such an easy house guest, and a welcome companion for me & Ian during the day! We're so glad she feels so comfortable with our family.

In the middle of her stay she watched Ian for two nights while we went on our babymoon (already posted about this). THANK YOU SO MUCH, Christine! Our friends Chris & Jess ended up having them over for dinner on Friday and Anna & Steve invited them out to dinner on Saturday. We're grateful for the friends who make up such a great village here.

And that's a wrap on Christmas, 2015!

Next year we'll have another child in the mix. Our baby will be about ten months old by that point and that's crazy to think about right now.