Sunday, December 2, 2012

Listening, Learning & Yearning

Since August I have experienced the hardest, most emotional time of my life. Many internal pressures & expectations, family events, and external stressors contributed to create the perfect storm.

A dear friend of mine recently posted an image that read "Depression, anxiety, and panic attacks are NOT a sign of weakness. They are a sign that someone has remained strong for too long." It went on to mention that 1 in 3 people are affected by this at some point in their lifetime. Well, my time was now and it hit me hard. Staying strong was not an option for me any longer because my body was breaking down and attempting to respond to normal life became paralyzing and debilitating.

For those who know me well, I have seen some really dark patches and have not been myself. There have been days, weeks, and months, when smiling was not possible, exclamation points were despicable, food was a chore, sleep a constant and elusive battle, and joy in any activity was unattainable. Physical symptoms dominated my body and mind. Anxiety and guilt were so strong and painful that they made life miserable and spun me into a wild spiral at the mention of simple words and phrases.

Fortunately, when the going got tough, God surrounded us with people to help. I reached out to a friend in the area who kept in contact with me every day and she and her husband, a doctor, got me in to see another doctor in the knick of time. My doctor has been the most incredible blessing and truly cares about my symptoms, my life, and my recovery. The couple also got me connected with her parents, one of which counsels, challenges, and encourages me, while the other is one I can care for. A new network of friends has also been part of this season and I feel connected and comfortable for the first time in a while. Through my struggle, friends and family have come out of the woodwork who also are struggling or have gone through this before in their lives and it's opened up conversations I never would have believed were possible.

All this to say that I apologize for the break. I am sure that my life will never be the same-- in a good way! If you struggle with the same, you are not alone even though it really feels like it and it's hard to hear that spoken. I never understood before just how debilitating this can be. It's not your fault. It will get better. Feel free to contact me (kkrumich(at)gmail(dot)com).

If you've never been through it, then it is very hard to relate or understand. Err on the side of caution and allow the person to speak to you about what they are comfortable talking about at that time. If it's nothing, be content with that. As people we seek to receive something from other people in our relationships. Sometimes you won't receive anything from someone going through this. Sometimes you need only listen or to be still. It's amazing how quickly something can be spun out of control through a simple question or story you tell. Think about the motives behind why you want to know this person's pain or engage this person. And think about what you will do with this information if/once you get it.

I hope to return to blogging soon. Thanks for being patient :)

If you've been thinking you're all that you've got,
then don't feel alone anymore.
'Cause when we're together then you've got a lot,
for I am the river and you are the shore.

And it goes on and on, watching the river run,
Further and further from things that we've done,
Leaving them one by one, and we have just begun,
Watching the river run...

Listening, learning and yearning, run river run...

"Watching the River Run" - Loggins & Messina


  1. We love you. First and foremost. So many of these hard lessons make you a stronger, more compassionate person in the long run. So happy to hear that you're on the journey. Trust.

  2. Kathe, I'm sure that this was a hard post to write. Thank you for your beautiful, thoughtfully-chosen words. . . It helps to understand what you're going through, even though it makes me sad that you've gone through it.
    Continue on your healing journey. Know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you as you heal.

  3. Thank you so much for sharing this! Like you said, at least 1 in 3 people go through this and the more we share, the more we understand and can support each other! I love you and am glad you're in my life :)