There are some things you just don't want to forget as a mom. And there are some things you could really have blocked from your memory. Mostly I want my crazy mama moments to forever be erased from my memory & my childrens' memories. Motherhood is SO hard. A friend and I were talking about this last night at a Christmas party. It's just plain hard. So many needs, only two hands, two feet, and a few hours of sleep.
Having two children has stretched me so thin in some moments. Sometimes I wonder why I am so harried. Then I remember... We're in a bit of a crazy season of our lives with interviews, evaluating future pursuits & locations. Training is almost over which is INCREDIBLE and now it's time to navigate what's next. It's exciting, huge, and weighty. On top of that, sleep has been horrible for weeks (months?). Owen has about four to six teeth coming in and he's not sleeping well. For about two weeks there he was incredibly clingy during the day, due to his painful gums.
BUT, when I look back at just today, there are fantastic, beautiful, sweet, and adorable moments woven in even the hardest minutes.
I snapped one of the sweetest videos of Ian & Owen today as they head-bonked and cuddled each other. These two really adore each other and it shows. One year ago I was nervous about how this relationship would go and they have wowed me. Perhaps it won't always be this way, but thank goodness it is now!
Ian has started trying to help and he's become quite thoughtful, in some instances. Today, while I was putting Owen down for his nap I heard the door open and Leif came charging in. Then I heard Ian scuffling about. I was so frustrated that he would let Leif in without asking and cause kind of a ruckus while I was putting Owen down for his nap. When I came out perturbed and ready to light in to him, he quickly explained that he had let Leif in to clean up the food that had fallen on the floor during lunch time. Oh... errr..... umm... Thank you?! Should have asked.
Another time was when I walked into the kitchen to find the entire diaper bag was dumped out on the floor. WHAT? I put everything back in and then forgot about it. Later I was looking at our Christmas tree and saw that the ornament Ian had made at the residency Christmas party was up on the tree. He had remembered it was placed in the diaper bag and had taken it upon himself to put it in its rightful spot on the tree.
And then there's the sweetness in the cuddles that both boys request after naptimes. Ian comes and immediately finds my lap and wants to collapse into me for a few minutes before his usual active self kicks into gear. Owen, likewise, melts into me when I pick him up from the pack-n-play and rests his head on my shoulder for minutes on end. They just want to linger a little longer in that post-nap bliss... I get it. One day I will do that again too ;)
This life will never be dull. Never empty, quiet, or easy... but I couldn't ask for more sweetness & joy.