Ritual

 Winter has been waning here and for perhaps the first time in my life, I am wistfully wishing it would linger. The boys and I had a conversation yesterday about our favorite seasons and what draws us to each of them, in order. In the past my answer was always vehemently summer in first place, but winter is vying for a spot at the top this year. After a winter of fully embracing this season in a whole new way, with a new ritual, I find myself yearning for the comfort of my weeks in routine and in connection with people, a place, and a pattern of engaging that feels deeply primal and beautiful.

This summer I found myself joining a few intrepid women to do long, open water swims across the bay. They were meditative, beautifully connecting as much as they were also phenomenally freeing. Not to mention strengthening and centering. As the summer came to an end and we could no longer swim in the waters of New Hampshire, we decided to try our bodies at cold plunging.

With no experience and limited knowledge, three of us slowly and gradually met together and adjusted our experiences based on each that came before. We met at 7:30 PM, hours after dark and in a New England winter for a brisk walk before walking down to the river to undress on the bank. We decided that swimsuits would be an unnecessary hassle, and so we went in naked except for our knit hats. Eventually we each decided to don wetsuit booties to enhance our experience and allow us to stay in a bit longer. 

One time one of us showed up with a poem to read, and thus we have read poetry each time since. One of us brought chocolate and so now we usually have a sweet treat upon completion. One member diligently checks the water and documents each dip, the participants, unique memories. We've grown and changed in numbers, with regulars and occasional add-ons. We've crunched our feet through the snow, squelched our feet through the mud, cross country skied instead of walked, and marveled at the beauty of showing up each week for a ritual, a practice in embracing ourselves, each other, the season, and being in awe of our bodies and the water, the natural world around us.

Over the course of these months we've fine-tuned our practice. We do deep breaths beforehand, releasing and preparing our lungs and body. We hold hands and walk into the river, noticing the changes in the water, the weather, looking upstream and downstream, tracing the skyline with our eyes, taking in the glow of the moon as it reflects on the ripples of the river. We've been called cold immersion doulas and this feels true. We share awes that we've witnessed and experienced, lifting our voices and uniting in songs and rounds, and we remain fully present to the moment and each other.

When our bodies tell us it is time to move out of the water, we return to our towels on the bank. We dress, marveling at the feeling of our clothes upon our tingling backs and legs, and take a few bites of chocolate before crunching our way back up the hill. And back to our homes and lives.

To return again to the river the following week, same time, same place, same ritual.

Winter, you have been a marvel this year.

Ritual

Greetings and hugs,

the familiar car doors slam.

We walk, talking up the road in the night,

taking in the stars, the glow, 

watching our breath linger in the air as a cloud,

warmed and anticipating, 

we return, gather our belongings,

crunch our boots through the snow,

down to the cabin by the river.

A glance at the river, is there ice today?

Will in need breaking? Oh yes!

A canoe paddle and determination, 

the ice cracks and bobs,

a space made for our beings.

We stand in a huddle, the selected poems read 

as we tear up and sigh.

Undressing and putting on our booties and knit cap, 

wrapping our naked bodies in a towel, 

we make our way to the bank.

Deep breaths of release, 

we shed our towels,

and unite, hand in hand.

We walk our nakedness to our nethers

and count together before lowering to our necks.

Still hand in hand, we steady our breath,

we notice the treeline, the water, 

the river upstream, downstream, the moon

We share awes,

we sing in unison and break into rounds,

we immerse ourselves as long as we can,

we celebrate, we laugh,

we return to our towels on the shore.

Our bodies tingling, our backs, a peppermint stick.

We dress, eat chocolate, and then

crunch our way back up the hill, 

with gratitude and awe for sharing 

such a wondrous ritual together,

held and found and known

and immersed each week

in the river.

2022 in Review

 Another year has come to an end and here I sit reflecting on the growth and changes, revelations and joys.

It was a year of so many new things for the kiddos.  All three kids became more confident swimmers and skiers this year! Thriving in third grade, Ian is 9. Owen is enjoyng a fantastic first grade year, and Liesl is in her final year of preschool. Hard to believe these kids are all so old, so soundly comfortable in their respective classrooms and communities.

Ian LOVES the Medieval Wilderness and the campfire Dungeons & Dungeons after school activities he is involved in. He's a sound defender on the soccer field, a formidable opponent in any board or card game, and remains an avid reader. At any one time you'll likely find him with a novel from a few different series running (each with between 200 to 500 pages). Books with bookmarks, Playmobiles, Legos, and birds' eye view drawings he makes of villages and kingdoms can be found wherever he is. Still our earliest riser, he lets Leif out first thing in the morning and enjoys reading in the peace and quiet, before the rest of the house bustles and the day begins. He is a good friend and enjoys many different connections throughout his days.

Owen LOVES art and creating. It's more often than not that he gets off the bus with a new idea of something he wants to make, either something he's seen or come up with himself. And, usually, it's quite clever! He's a huge fan of Calvin & Hobbes, telling us stories of how something in our lives relates to one of the cartoons he so enjoys. He has one of the best giggles and loves a good joke! Owen played soccer this fall and enjoyed attending a few Lego clubs at the library-- something he cannot wait to start again in the new year! Scissors, paper, drawing utensils, a stuffy, the marble run, and Mad Libs or Calvin & Hobbes can often be found within his reach. He enjoys playing with many different friends and one parent told me, "We need more Owen in our life!" We feel the same-- how lucky we are to have him in our every day!" 

Liesl is exuberant and determined, strong in every sense of the word! She is somehow in her last year of preschool and very eager to get on that bus with her brothers after she turns 5 this year! She's bold and thoughtful, daring and careful, and LOVES singing along earnestly to familiar songs in the car or around the house! Anything her brothers can do is what she wants to do too-- and usually she does just that! She's usually found with her "Baby" (a bear from Mama's childhood) and loves to snuggle in bed with Mama first thing in the morning. She's definitely seeming more a kid than a little one, but our babe she'll always be.

Jim had the best garden we've ever had this year! The broccoli alone would have made the garden a success-- best we've ever tasted, without a doubt! This year brought a new round of bees, an expanded compost system, and an asparagus patch! He also started venturing into cocktail-making, much to the enjoyment of our family and friends :) Surfing continues to be a source of joy for him, outside of home and office. He has a great group of guys who go out together and a running text thread of laughs and life shared. 

It was a year of growth & pursuits for me too. I joined a choir that has brought song and joy into my life each week, once more! It's a group of about 150 women from all walks of life-- a source of strength and connection. I surprised myself by auditioning for & getting two solos in each of our concerts this year.  I also started hiking and checking off the 48 4k footers in New Hampshire's White Mountains this year, with two down, 46 to go (Whiteface & Osceola)! With a few dear friends, I started doing long swims in the bay this summer and now cold dips in the winter, and hopefully throughout the year. Surfing, xc skiing, baking sourdough, walks, hikes, fires, time with friends-- all brought such warmth.

Our home had some changes too, with 19 trees taken down, a new roof, and new siding on a few sides of the outside. During a recent & intense storm, we are so grateful to have had these added measures in place!

We've enjoyed many a potluck, game, ski day, beach day, many a fire, many a laugh. With everyone in our family fully vaxxed now, we are feeling more comfortable and look forward to connecting and reuniting in the coming year.

Here's to a new year of new growth and joy and navigating the path together <3

love,

Käthe

Photo taken by Ama this past week

Comfort

 A cart full of groceries, I make my way to the registers. A cashier waves me over to her empty line and I apologize for not bringing my own bags. She encourages me that it’s no problem as she  crinkles open the paper ones and double bags them. 

“Have any plans for Easter?,” she asks.

“We’re going to do an egg hunt, keep it pretty simple,” I say. There's more but I do not want to overwhelm with my answer. “What about you?”

“I’m going to go see my grandparents.”

Immediately my heart floods with a sense of comfort, “Enjoy those moments for as long as you can.” It comes out of my mouth before I can hold it in.

She nods with a gentle knowing and says that she will. She tells me about how close she is with her grandma, that they love to paint together. That her grandparents are just returning from Florida for the year, so she’s excited to see them. She just got into an art school in St. Augustine and her grandma was so thrilled that she made sure to go to the campus and take pictures for her granddaughter. She will be able to visit them on the weekends during school, while they are down South. She’s really looking forward to it.

I listened and smiled with my own gentle knowing, fading in and out of full comprehension, with a long away sense of that kind of comfort. 

My mind swirled with the feeling of being in my grandparents’ home, of hearing Grandma giggle, how she said my name, her warm welcome hugs. Walks on the trails my grandpa carved through their woods and my grandma clearing every stick that had fallen as we moved. Blueberry picking in my aunt and uncle’s field up the hill, and her unable to pass a good bush when it was time to go home. Sitting around her table with the lazy Susan in the center. Making my way through every photo album on their shelves and asking for stories about certain pictures. How she loved dirty jokes and swimming and her family.

As she spoke, the bags filled and were returned to my cart. My trance and dream-like state ended as I realized it was time to pay, “Enjoy and give your grandma an extra hug.”

Eyes wet, but not brimming. Throat tight, but not choked. I gave thanks for the connection of that moment & the shared beauty of having grandmas who give the feeling of warmth, just by thinking of them.

First Day Thoughts

 And just like that, he's off to kindergarten! Kind, thoughtful, inquisitive, clever & downright delightful. Oh, how I already miss him. He was ready and so my mama heart rallied, but I think I still need a year or two.

He won’t be waiting for me at the window with a wave, as he was when Ian went off to kindergarten. His gleeful hand swinging side to side, his body bouncing with elation. It will be forever planted in my mind as a favorite memory in this house, whenever I see that window. Each time I walk up our driveway and glance toward that pane of glass, I’ll look for three year old Owen.

Time moves relentlessly on. I love five year old Owen. He’s a blast, joy, hoot, and all around lovely person. I have been sad at times because I feel like we missed out on a “normal” preschool time when he got to make the decisions for all the playdates and activities we’ve done. And he did. And yet he also had lots of time to play with his brother and sister than he would have otherwise.

I never want him to feel like he’s getting the shaft, as the middle child. I want him to feel supported, known, pursued, loved.

He went from “nervous and excited” to “just excited” after the orientation and he maintained that all of the way to getting on the bus today. He seemed so composed and calm. So eager and relaxed. This is a huge change for him, a new teacher and school, riding the bus, new classmates. And even still, he was ready. 

Ian, too. This transition back to school and second grade is more of a homecoming for him. He’s been in this school for much of kindergarten (before they went remote) and it was a place he loved and cherished, with teachers he admired and missed. He told me he was a bit nervous, but I wouldn’t have known based on how he was acting. When I asked him if he had a choice between homeschool and school last week (and it wouldn’t hurt my feelings either way), what would he choose. I was surprised that he chose homeschool. I am going to be fascinated to hear what he has to say about it after a few days of being back. But today, he was completely calm and composed with his demeanor. It felt like just a normal day.

This peace and centeredness and ease is what we hope for them. We want them to walk with confidence in themselves, with the feeling that they belong somewhere and that they are safe to move beyond our home and into the world. And then, after they’ve explored and exerted themselves, they know they have a safe place to return. A place of sanctuary, familiar and comforting.

Watching my children exist these last few days has been a wonder to me. As I scuttled about emptying and loading backpacks, labeling all the things, and making sure things were ready, they seemed completely unphased that their lives were about to change so much, so soon.

In some ways perhaps it was blissful ignorance, but in other ways I think it was (and maybe hope it was) an example for the strength and comfort they feel within themselves. They were made for this, they have been home for eighteen months, and now they are ready to go out into the world.

I am so very curious to hear about their days this afternoon. 

What a change for us all. After so much togetherness, we learned so much about ourselves, about home, about school. Today was not bitter or sweet, it was calm and peaceful. It felt like we were all getting to go and be ourselves, knowing that we would reunite at the end of the day. 

And in the end, that’s all we can dream for us and for our children. That we can all become the version of ourselves that we were meant to be, and then connect again to celebrate, comfort, and encourage as we move on our winding journeys.

Liesl is 10 MONTHS OLD!

Liesl is 10 months old!! And what a month it was for our lovely gal.

She's mobile now, crawling everywhere & getting into everything! She started crawling on March 14th, Pi Day. That evening, Jim and I were planning on assembling some furniture and she just DID NOT want to go to sleep. For a few days she had been particularly stubborn about bedtime. Well, on this particular night, she stayed up later and mastered crawling! It was incredible to watch her figure it out and so special to have Jim right there, too. After she did it a few times, it was clear that she was content with her skills and ready for bed. We cheered her on, cooed and hugged and kissed her, and then she was ready to hit the hay. Darling girl. 

This month she seems to also have shown her comedic side and LOVES to make different faces. She mirrors faces or comes up with her own. It's really, really fun! I'm grateful to have captured a few of her expressions here... she just cracks us up:)

She says "Mama" & "Papa," "hi" & "dog." And I really think she is saying "I love you." Liesl babbles the day away with new sounds and emphasis. She loves to wave goodnight, sign for milk, & be held by Mama. 

With four upper teeth coming in at the same time, her sleep has been pretty rocky. She's been thrilled to get some extra snuggle time in bed with me, waking (sometimes) only to touch my face before drifting back to sleep. Talk about heart-melting. She has that effect on all of us.

Liesl Gale, you are a blessing & delight!

Happy 10 Months to our favorite lass!!

You love: making funny faces, CRAWLING, babbling and talking, petting Leif, grabbing your brothers' toys, cuddling after naptime & sleeping with Mama, almost all of the solid foods you've been given, and swinging in the swing outside.

With the warmer weather upon us, we look forward to getting out for more walks and exploration. You've really enjoyed stroller walks, carrier walks, and your forays in the great outdoors. I think you'll fit right in to our outdoor-loving family :)

Liesl is 9 MONTHS OLD!

Oh my, this girl <3

This lass turned 9 MONTHS OLD!

She's babbling. giggling a'plenty, attempting to scoot and scooch, observing everything & everyone, and LOVES to cuddle.

Her favorite word is "Mama" and I swear she's starting to say more words, even "I love you"... which she certainly hears from each of us all day long.

She's one adored little gal.

She's delightful, energetic, eager, & just all-around darling.

We love you SO very much, Sweet Liesl Gale!!!

Happy 9 Months, Little Girl!!

You love: giggling, squealing, attempting to crawl and scoot, sitting and observing the world, being held, and smiling beautiful full-face smiles. We cannot get enough of you.

December 2018

Always running months behind, but hey... it's so fun to look back on what we did, whenever I get the chance! And I know that one day I will look back and these pictures will transport me to memories I'd totally forgotten. :)

December was PACKED with life and family visits and our first family ski day!! Let's get started...

First up, an IKEA trip! We always enjoy a good rainy day trip to IKEA...

 ... and a little treat at the end :)

 Our library here is AMAZING. They had a "Snowflake Social" in December and invited one of the UNH a capella groups to sing. The boys were completely mesmerized.

 Liesl, too :)

 The boys made rocketships out of our cardboard boxes... I foresee many creations like this in our future.

 Almost every morning starts with a cuddle like this. I get surrounded by the three kiddos and eventually I get up and the three of them scoot together for a cuddle (or a squabble).

 It's wintertime in NH and so she's rarely without clothes... but we adore these beautiful rolls, when they come out!!!

 Ian and I went on quite a few ice-skating dates in December. He's quite fast with his milk crates and he's such a determined chap.

 Our little love continued to melt our hearts. Ian enjoys choosing clips for her hair and matching them to her outfit. Her hair gets into her eyes if we don't clip it up!

 Tendercrop's indoor space was fine, but these rugged guys prefer the freezing cold slides outside :)

 She got her first bad cold and preferred to snuggle. Shucks.

 6 month check-up showed that she's practically perfect in every way. No surprise to us <3

 In December she started doing the plank and push-ups. I need to join her in her exercise routines!

 Stealing moments with the firstborn during quiet time in the afternoon. He usually requested books :)

 Look at her go!!!

 We had brunch with our friends and neighbors. Their sweet girl wanted to hold the babe.

Jim continues to prep and read and research for the garden plot this year. This tree had to go!

We started dating December 17, 2006... so, here's a blast from the past <3

 And here's our present... a fridge full of the vibrancy of life we've created together.

Before Christmas Ian said goodbye to her first school experience here. One of the last days we dropped him off in this parking lot... here he is writing his name in the steam he created :)

 Just another morning in my bed :)

 Our children's museum is really great. Here are a few of their favorite places...

 Santa came to visit Ian's school and he was THRILLED!

 My parents arrived and we went to a UNH Women's Basketball game. The boys were mostly fascinated with the mascot, but it was still a fun first game!

 Will & Phoebe drove in and the holidays began!

 And Zelda, their chocolate lab :)

 Fuzzy and poor lighting, but Dad brought his keyboard and we were able to sing carols multiple times during the holiday!!

 We went ice skating, which was a blast.

 Read lots of books...

 Played and made train tracks...

 And, my favorite, WE WENT SKIING!!! It was such a special day. Our first ski day in New Hampshire and we spent it with my parents and Will and Phoebe. My mom graciously stayed in the lodge with Liesl and Owen, while Dad taught Ian to ski and got Owen to attempt. By the end of the day Ian was skiing with enthusiasm down the very small bunny slope. AND, Jim went skiing for the first time! He did great and, at the end of the day, is determined to be a skiing family! I'm so excited!

 I got to spend most of the day skiing with Phoebe & Will and it was just so lovely! I haven't had a day to get lost in a physical/active pursuit since having kiddos and it was incredibly special.

 So fun to be with these two!!

 And to have lots of chats on the chairlift with my dear sister.

 Best Christmas gift ever.

 It makes me so excited for what's to come when my children start skiing and we can all enjoy pursuits outside together.

 It's become a tradition to go for a beach walk on Christmas Eve, which is lovely.

 Christmas Eve we always have a roast beast. YUM!

 The stockings were hung by the chimney with care....

 I love watching our kids on Christmas morning <3

 Jim made a big breakfast before we dove into the presents.

 And then it was time for stockings!!!

 I didn't get many pictures of the opening of presents... but it was a truly lovely morning. The boys slowly opened and enjoyed each of their gifts. It took them a series of days to even open all of them... I just love that. Woody, Jessie, and Buzz have gotten LOADS of use since being opened. Owen carries two in his fists at all times.

 On Christmas night, our last night together, we had a big Swiss fondue. Such a nice way to savor and enjoy our last evening together!

 The next morning Mom and the boys made gingerbread men before they left. A sweet tradition.

 Then, a day later, Gramee & Grandpa arrived for Christmas #2!

 They each received stamp kits from G&G and immediately put them to good use :)

 And a few puzzles came along, which they enjoyed putting together. I love watching them navigate puzzles.

 The tide was much lower during our beach walk with them.

 I love how the beach is always changing, making it a fun a new playground during each and every visit.

 Gramee & Grandpa left on New Year's Eve morning and that night we went and met Dan and Carole for dinner and fireworks in Porstmouth!

 We enjoyed visiting the ice sculptures and the fireworks were great! Owen wasn't so sure what he felt about them at first, but soon began repeating that "it's just a loud noise and lights... they can't get to or hurt him." It was such a fun evening with Dan & Carole.

Farewell, 2018!!! On to 2019!!